Q&complAints #140 : Talking Butt

If your butt could talk, what would it say?

Post your answer in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. I’m not the boss of you, though. Don’t write anything for all I care! BUTT I ASSume your comment will CRACK me up.
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. . .here are my thoughts.

If your butt could talk, what would it say?

“Like they say: ‘It’s better to be an asshole, than a whole ass.’ But is it? Perfect—lights out again! You basically water-board me, then it’s straight back to lights-out. I’m not back here advocating for 24/7 nudity, but can we come to an arrangement? At least skip the polyester and give me that comfy modal. Yeah, okay, whatever. Suppose I’m used to it by now. Hell, it’s not like I’d be able to see anyway. Hair so long it’s all grown out over my eye. When’s the last time you contemplated a trim? But I try to say one little thing about that to your co-workers, and what do you do? Yup, you squeeze my mouth shut so tight, pretending you didn’t hear a thing. You need to start appreciating how hard life is for me. You try talking out of your damn eye! Not to mention my chronic health issues—I mean, I’ve vomited nearly every day of my stinkin’ life. And God forbid you try to feed me! What the hell’s that all about!? But it’s all good . . . everyone knows who the real asshole is.”