Ad-tastrophe
When was the last time you saw a commercial that made absolutely no sense? Ohh … you don’t watch commercials. I try not to, either. But occasionally the bastards sneak up on you! Join me as we explore a reasonable interpretation of a real gem. Might as well help them punch up their slogan while we’re at it.
Watch Today’s Ad-tastrophe:
Spectrum: ‘Enough Speed for All of Us’
Spectrum: ‘Enough Speed for All of Us’
[Make sure you’ve clicked the link above and watched the commercial before reading. Otherwise my ramblings will make even less sense than they normally do!]
I’m not sure if Mom’s a cougar and rightfully addressed first, or if Dad intentionally skips his own old ass in what is otherwise an oldest-to-youngest sequence of deciding who is to be sent out to pasture with only a lightweight sleeping bag in tow. Either way, his planning skills are questionable. I can appreciate, though, that Mom is rewarded for her breadwinner status. Without her, they wouldn’t have their spotless home or their spotty Internet service.
Jake gets off easy because he’s the only one who laughs at Dad’s jokes. Jake’s reasoning assumes Dad is the ultimate arbiter of who stays and who goes. Is Mom too busy being successful to run this family cookie council? Along with being a poor planner and humorless, I’m thinking Dad is a bit sexist, as well. Plus, if Dad is chosen as tribute, Jake’s excuse would go from being merely weak, to weak and pointless.
At least Lisa has the legit claim of being a straight-A student. Dad belittling his 4th grade daughter’s accomplishments does nothing to continue her along the path toward surpassing her mother’s successes. It does, however, potentially strengthen that sexist tag we’re attributing him.
Six-year-old Sally is the first to bid Daddy adieu after not meeting the minimum age requirement for life as a hobo. I’m not sure what the cutoff is, but it seems Dad would have been comfortable tossing Lisa out on her pre-teen ass. I don’t think Lisa’s smarts would have helped her survive the mean streets. Especially if she doesn’t have common sense enough to suggest they remedy the dire Internet situation by staggering their Internet usage.
Old Spectrum slogan:
Get faster, more reliable Internet speeds.
New Spectrum slogan:
Bye Daddy; too bad my sister isn’t smarter.