Q&complAints #250: Parental Advice

What parental advice do you always give?

Post your answer in the LEAVE A COMMENT section below. I’m not the boss of you, though. Don’t write anything for all I care! You’d tell your kids to do their homework; think of this as yours.
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. . . here are my thoughts.

What parental advice do you always give?

“Always wear a condom!  Every time!  No ifs, ands, or buts.  Especially if it’s ‘you know what’ and butts.  That, then butt is fine.  But if it’s butt first, you gotta change it before—.  Yeah, okay, you know, you know.  She can get some nasty infections otherwise.  I’ll even buy ‘em for you if you’re too embarrassed to get ‘em yourself.  And I don’t give a damn if you think you love her . . . or him.  Or him!  Whichever it is—you know I’ll love you exactly the same, either way.  But it has to be every single time, because it only takes once to ruin your life.  So next time, wear a condom!  And every time after that.  Promise me.  You promise?  ‘Cause I’ll be damned if I’m gonna watch you throw your life away.  You’ve claimed I was your best friend since you were knee-high to a grasshopper.  So, please, heed my advice.  And yeah, maybe I’m being a little selfish.  It is what it is.  Trust me, though, if you get your wife pregnant, you won’t have time to be my drinking buddy.  You’ll be a parent!”