Ned’s 2020 Adventures
December 4-5, 2020
December 4, 2020
In the lead up to the week of Christmas, elves across the world hold their breath in anticipation of being one of the 5 lucky ones called back from their “Watch & Report” duties for the honor of decorating Santa’s most cherished tree. Ned wonders why it’s been 529 years since he last got that call. He’s a firm believer that practice makes perfect, so Ned offers his services to help decorate. Less an offer, really—more a threaten-to-send-a-bad-report-if-you-don’t-hand-over-that-garland stare. They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice to make the average person an expert. For at least one elf—it would appear—even half a millennia of practice isn’t enough. Then again, it’s 10,000 human hours. Who knows what that equates to in elf hours.
December 5, 2020
You really have to admire that ever-present smile. Despite yesterday’s fiasco with the garland, Ned refuses to have anything but a positive attitude. And who can blame him with such a bourbon selection. Oddly enough, imbibing in the sauce while on watch is not against any of the Elf rules and regulations: not the antediluvian Official Elfin Handbook, nor the centuries old Elf Employees Best Practices Manual, or even the Elf Union Mandates of 2018. Ned really should be careful with the whereabouts of his hat, though. The last elf to permanently misplace his magical hat now lives in infamy—Mr. Theodore Darcy. With the very mention of his name, the evening is lost on tales of his exploits and the many myths explaining what actually occurred that fateful day.