December 19, 2023
What’s Ned doing inside that Starbucks cup? Some things are destined to remain forever unanswered. Viv literally asked,
“Ned, what are you doing inside that Starbucks cup?”
He didn’t answer.
We do know, though, that Ned was the creator and purveyor of this carnival game. Earlier this month, Viv had to pop balloons with tacks smaller than the needles used to inject Ozempic. At the opposite extreme, she now hurls giant blue balls—each equal in weight to what Ned’s cousin, Jeb, lost in his first three months on Ozempic. Unfortunately, the elf regained twice that much weight once the drug went on backorder. Santa couldn’t even help Jeb procure the stuff through his extensive black-market connections. If the Big Guy can’t make it happen, it just wasn’t meant to be.
