Q&complAints #072 : Unusual Way to Settle a Feud

What would be an unusual way to settle a feud?

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What would be an unusual way to settle a feud?

“Shotgun!” We’ve all played this game. First one to exclaim that sentiment once all eligible parties are outdoors (or whatever “House Rules” dictate) gets the front seat. The love child of “calling dibs” and saving a seat at the bar. NFL players invoke their own version of “Shotgun!” after a fumble. Players from both sides point in their team’s direction while there are still, literally, tons of men in a heap atop the ball. Meanwhile two unfortunate souls on the bottom of said pile feud over the ball—grabbing, pinching, spitting, and employing any other minimal movements they can muster to wrestle the pigskin into their possession. It’ll still take 60 seconds to get all those bodies off the pile before we see which way the referee points—the only person’s opinion that matters. A pointing player is purely pointless! (As are accompanying alliterations.) As pointless as—for those of you east of the pond—a center back in football throwing up an arm in appeal for offside. It would surely be an unusual way to settle a feud if the spoils went to those most ardent in their appeals.