President Trumps Doctor (Why anyone with a doctorate should be called “Doctor”)

So you think doctor refers to someone with an MD or DO you visit when you’re ill, and who prescribes medicine to treat or prevent disease? Maybe you’re right. But consider how we proverbially Photoshop out the term doctor from a plethora of other doctoral degrees, while using photo-manipulation to attribute the term undeservingly to others.

Okay, admittedly that sentence was extremely forced, but it’ll allow me to introduce the concept of proprietary eponyms. Also known as generic trademarks, we use them on a daily basis, even if we’re unaware of the terms. They’re trademarks or brand names that have garnered such popularity or significance in the marketplace that the brand’s name is used to reference an entire class of products or services. When’s the last time you searched the internet using any of the various search engines? Google has about an 87% market share. And I’d guess even more than 87% of people would say “Google it,” rather than “Search for that on the Internet.” Google is a proprietary eponym.

The term doctor has become a type of proprietary eponym as well. Say you’re introduced to someone at a party (in case you’ve forgotten, these are get-togethers of people in close quarters, possibly with JELL-O shots or other gelatin desserts served). They’re introduced as Dr. So-and-So. If you’re like most people, you immediately think physician—long white lab coat, stethoscope hung around their neck, maybe one of those old school head mirror things. You think MD, or DO. This is a cultural credence that must be changed. These people are better termed physicians, or medical practitioners.

Okay maybe the use of doctor isn’t exactly a proprietary eponym. Depending on how you look at it, it may actually be the complete opposite. My point, though, is this: the brand that becomes the eponym often ends up representing a minority of the overall total amount of product manufactured. Think of Coke being a generic southern term for carbonated beverage. Coke has less than 50% of the global soda market. It’s the same with doctor referencing just physicians. While medical doctors may make up the largest subsection of doctors, they ultimately represent only a fraction of all the doctors on Earth when accounting for Doctors of Philosophy (PhD), —Education (EdD), —Pharmacy (PharmD), —Business Administration (DBA), —Theology (Th.D), —Architecture (DArch), etc.

Anyone who earns a doctorate degree of any kind deserves the title doctor even more than a quiescently frozen confection deserves to be called a Popsicle.

In the current medical landscape, the number of physicians seems to be trending down like a Zipper, especially in primary care. The separable fastener pulled lower via poor reimbursement from insurance companies. Adding insult to injury, a Nurse Practitioner (NP) or Physician Assistant (PA) can do the same job for lesser wage. I think you get the hint . . . the reasons are financial. The big money is in specialization. Regardless, NPs and PAs are more commonly being referenced by their patients as doctor far too often. Even one occurrence fulfills the definition of far too often. We’ve gone to the opposite extreme of not only denying holders of legit doctorate degrees their deserved honorarium of doctor, but also incorrectly bestowing it upon those who have not achieved that level of education.

I haven’t been to a physician, NP, or PA in, probably, 15 years. I have been to the dentist 30 times in that stretch, though, so I have seen a doctor—even if only for the 30 seconds it takes them to give me the semi-annual “You’re all good; I’ll see you back here in 6 months” once-over. My wife and I have also ventured a half mile down the road—so close we could drive a Zamboni there in a matter of minutes if only we owned an ice resurfacer—for numerous visits to her Aunt Karen’s house. She has a PhD, so I suppose I have had many visits with doctors in the last decade—house calls even—just none with physicians.

Some people may agree with much of this, but still argue it’s just easier to say the 2 syllables of doctor than it is the 3 of physician. To them I ask how they vocalize the first 3 letters of a web page. Most people would say www. Saying that single letter 3 times equates to 9 syllables—taking 3 times as long to say as World Wide Web. Yet nobody goes around saying, “You gotta check out this awesome website, ‘WorldWideWeb.UrProbablyRight.com’.” Frankly, there’s multiple reasons that phrase isn’t uttered. But even if you pronounce W as [dub-ya], it’s still twice as long. So the doctor –vs– physician argument makes as little sense as using Jacuzzi (3 syllables) as a proprietary eponym for hot tub (2 syllables).

I suppose it’s about time we explored the meaning of this argument’s title. Mr. traditionally precedes Mrs. when addressing a couple. Don’t yell at me, I didn’t make the rules. Doctor would override Mr., though—as in Dr. Jill Biden & Mr. Joe Biden. My assumption is that President trumps Doctor (there she is!), thus reverting to President Joe Biden & Dr. Jill Biden. But maybe they should be announced as Dr. and President Biden. Further complicating matters, Joe has numerous honorary doctorates. Consensus is not to claim the title of doctor unless truly earned—might as well throw those degrees in the Dumpster. Then again, honorary doctorates are awarded for life experiences outside the classroom, so maybe retrieve those papers from the mobile garbage bin. President Biden was a Senator for 36 years, so depending on your definition of earned . . . whatever—I’m confused.

So, you still think a doctor is someone with an MD or DO after their name? No amount of effort on Google’s behalf would change their name back from a common noun and action verb, to just the brand name it began as. It may forever persist in the popular culture, just like Kleenex will always reference any ol’ facial tissue. This same common vernacular makes it hard for non-MDs and DOs to garner the doctor moniker they studied and researched so long and hard for. Anyway, what pharmacist wants to go through the whole, “Well, no, I’m not a doctor Doctor,” each time they’re introduced as such. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it . . . You’re Probably Right.

[029] January 27, 2021