Ned’s 2019 Adventures
December 16, 2019
Ned’s had to wait for over half of the month, but a little reminder of home finally began to fall. Phoebe’s Christmas cards and a melted snowman were the only white powder he’d sniffed since leaving the North Pole. As Ned sits in a late 13th century model of Santa’s sled—complete with the authentic, poorly engineered Transformer-like ability to collapse inward and fall from the sky during a drunken early-morning flight over Chelyabinsk—it’s as though he’s gained an extrasensory perception of Santa’s thoughts and feelings. It was then that Ned realized the classic “New Phone, Who Dis?” scenario. Santa was not ignoring him, Ned had simply failed to inform the Big Guy of his new phone number after changing carriers following mid-November’s Consumer Cellular fiasco.