Ned’s 2019 Adventures
December 8, 2019
Awaiting a return call from Santa, Ned decides to add a sticker to the developing collage. After careful rumination, he decides the Big Guy must be up as high as possible. After all, Santa lives at the top of the Earth; he holds a lofty position in Christmas culture, whether rightly believed in, or merely as a representation of the season; and as the elves are fond of saying, “He’s a Ho, Ho, Hell-of-a-Guy.” While smoothing out the creases around Santa’s sticker, Ned contemplates his life. What would he have become without the Clauses? Would he be like so many less fortunate elves who take to a bottle of booze or pills? Ned’s left eye begins to moisten—an odd experience, having not cried since learning who really killed JFK.
