So you think losing weight to get healthier should be celebrated? Maybe you’re right. But have you asked yourself the really important question: what behavior are you actually encouraging?
Let’s begin with a bit of semantics, shall we? Weight is not ultimately what we want to lose. We really strive to shed mass. Mass is simply the amount of stuff that makes you, you. Weight is the combined effect of gravity on our mass. Astronauts can be seen floating through the ISS because they essentially have no weight—hence, the term weightless. Their mass, however, is the same as it will be back on Earth.
Less dramatically, if it’s merely a few ounces you desire to lose, move to Denver. There, the pull of gravity on your mass is a bit less because you’re a greater distance away from the center of the Earth. Has your doctor informed you of the need to lose 83.5% of your weight? Get your ticket for the next half-billion-dollar trip to the Moon. Be forewarned, just like with plane flights, if you can’t lower the armrest, you’ll need to shell out for a second seat. What’s another $500 million?!
If you lose 10 pounds of fat while gaining 10 pounds of muscle, the scale shows no weight loss. But rest assured, your body feels the difference, and others see it. So mass is really what we’re talking about here. I trust we’re all now clear on that point. It just so happens, though, that Earth is where most of us keep all our stuff. And because I don’t want to continually sound like even more of a pretentious prick than I soon will, I’ll essentially use weight and mass interchangeably from here on out.
We’ve all read feel good headlines on the Internet:
- UK Man Loses Quarter Ton; Wins 500 Pound Bet
- Centenarian Woman Drops 100 Pounds
- GoFundMe Launches Couple to World’s Heaviest
Okay, maybe that third one is a bit unrealistic. But should it be? We only congratulate people when they lose weight over the course of a few months or years. Why not support them in packing on those lbs? After all, folks who eventually lose large amounts of weight are the same ones who first had to steadily accumulated pound upon pound, day after day, year upon year. Fatty, sodium-ladened meals eaten off a La-Z-Boy aftermarket TV tray attachment with nary a vegetable in sight. Washed down with a liter of Diet Coke. Deluded into believing the “Diet” churning among the other contents of their stomach will counteract the absorption of those thousands of empty calories.
The simplest way to lose a whole lot of weight is to first get really, REALLY fat. This concept works with just about anything. Want to double your income next year? Cut your 40-hour work week in half this year. Thinking about swearing less next week? Finish this motherf**king week off by telling every g*ddamn a**hole in the f**kin’ office what c*ck-s*cking, dumba** b*tches they all are! You’ll likely have nobody to talk to next week because your spouse left your newly unemployed ass. That should make it easy-peasy to swear less.
If we reward people with praise and recognition when they accomplish a feat of extreme weight loss, are we not simultaneously rewarding them for the countless millions of excess calories they previously allowed to pass their lips? Are we not positively reinforcing decades of inactivity which prevented the burning of those very calories that found their way into fat storage? Our bodies are genetically predisposed to store calories—as had been necessary to survive for previous millennia—in preparation for the inevitable famine that never comes. Fat cell upon fat cell, pound after pound, adipose tissue manifests as love handles, another chin or two, along with a plethora of metabolic disasters.
Sure, sure, sure! I get it. Some obese folks (medical terminology; don’t yell at me) are not completely to blame for their current body shape. Some conditions even put the blame 100% on genetics. I understand this. So, let’s press on.
At some point the decision is made that it’s time for a change. Perhaps their PCP told them they should eat right, exercise more, and lose some percentage of their body weight. At no point did the good doctor go into detail about how to lose this weight. But the 15-second conversation monologue did fulfill the physician’s professional obligation, allowing them to document in the electronic health record that the “discussion” occurred.
The argument could be made that no rewards—monetary, emotional, social, etc.—should be conferred upon the loser of the weight until such time as they prove the weight will not be regained. Keeping lost weight off is notoriously the most difficult part for so many people. It’s called “yo-yo” dieting for a reason. Such time will eventually elapse after which it seems the weight will remain only a distant, weighty memory. It is then, and only then, that any celebration can take place.
But would you really want to risk bringing up someone’s dramatic weight loss from five or 10 years earlier? You can’t risk your comment awakening their deeply-sequestered love of chocolate cake with ganache icing and two scoops—no! … three scoops … three BIG scoops—of vanilla bean ice cream. In an instant, you risk ruining their years of hard-earned health. Their mindset surrounding food had changed. Tastebuds have reset to desire less salt, sugar, and fat. Their metabolic rate has lowered. Let’s not even think about the dramatic changes to their gut biome.
One good-intentioned sentence from you risks undoing it all!
It’s really in their best interest that you never mention their weight loss. After all, shouldn’t someone’s weight journey be for their own personal wellbeing? The need for your compliments should never enter the equation.
Losing weight the traditional way is tough. And it should be. Anything of importance that’s worth doing comes with some degree of difficulty. Change necessitates grit and determination. Hopefully, though, all the agonizing work and sacrifice that led to weight loss will be forever remembered. A constant, nagging reminder that you never want to go through that hell again. Better make sure to keep the weight off this time around.
Of course, there’s an alternative route to lose weight quickly. I’m talking, like, instantaneous. Many obese folks are already well on their way to this potentiality—in the way of diabetes-induced amputation. A cut above the knee and 20 pounds are gone in the snap of a femur. A sure way to win a weight loss-related bar bet. Short-sighted, yes. But to each his own.
So, you still think losing weight should be celebrated? Sure, maybe the occasional, “Lookin’ good,” could be just the motivation needed. And, I mean, would hearing, “It looks so much bigger now, baby!” really be the worst thing to hear from your lover? This seems like an apropos time to remind my wife that I’ve recently lost over 10 pounds. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it … You’re Probably Right.
[053] March 29, 2026
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