So you think you deserve—you demand, even—a graduation ceremony at the culmination of years of hard work? Maybe you’re right. But the Coronavirus pandemic has thrown everything we know, do, and believe as Homo sapiens into a topsy-turvy, what-next cluster-F. The cultural changes that will be written about in history books are commencing during this pandemic and the concurrent Black Lives Matter movement. The way we celebrate graduations is among these changes.
Our personal spheres have ballooned, essentially overnight, to a 6-foot radius. We now seldom shake hands for fear of spreading disease. Even sports teams with Native American names and logos are meeting a more savage end than the Native Americans themselves did after Chris Columbus, that enduring stalwart of brutality, “discovered” their land. With change a constant in 2020, we would all be well served to practice the key skills students are taught in school: thinking critically, and questioning widely. We must put the old who, what, where, why, when, and how to good use.
Why do you feel that graduating from an educational institution deserves an elaborate recognition? I suppose that’s just the way it’s always been, right? You, dear graduate, may have been forced to settle for some makeshift commencement celebration: a drive through the school parking lot to pick up your faux sheepskin diploma, some online stand-in, or other such improvisation. Perhaps you received nothing more than a diploma in your mailbox. Remember, though, that countless millions of folks (some much smarter than you, but many that would make you look like Einstein in comparison) have already accomplished this same feat. Presumably a good number more will in years to come, meaning your accomplishment is far from unique. Furthermore, does a valedictorian with a 4.3 GPA and a 1600 SAT deserve the same recognition as the 24 year-old, 3rd year high school senior that finally “graduated” on pity alone?
What is this tantamount to? It’s equivalent to little Joey and his Green Team of soccer hooligans getting the same piece of junk trophy at season’s end—despite winning exactly zero games—as the Blue Team that claims the season-ending moniker of “The Invincibles.” Sure, you showed up to your classes more often than not, took all the tests, met all graduation minimums, and generally skated by. But is your C+ average deserving of equal praise and celebration to that of your valedictorian?
How can we as a culture get past this “It’s just the way things have always been” mentality? It’s time we end this culture of celebrated mediocrity. Let’s take a page from that fella who hosted The Apprentice. One positive thing can be said about him: he has such beautiful hair he sure as hell doesn’t feel constrained to the traditional ways a POTUS has historically conducted himself. The past sets no precedent for him. So, hey, If it’s good enough for our President . . .
When will we learn that the exit from any one institution is merely a stride along the path of lifelong learning? High school branches into college, or into the job market. College forks into a postgraduate area of study, or to the beginning of a career. Postgraduate studies lead to a life of academia, or into a specialized profession. Regardless of how far the traditional education route takes you, you must continue to study and learn in order to stay relevant in your chosen field, or to move up that corporate ladder. A party won’t be thrown every time you learn a new skill or put in 4 years of time and effort. It’s best to learn this lesson now.
Who in their ever-loving mind would have the following thought in their skull at a June commencement?
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world! My baby sis graduating from high school. I’m so excited, I don’t even mind sitting in a pool of my own sweat, my BO undetectable amidst the universal cloud of stench emanating from the crowd.”
Here’s a little secret nobody’s got the balls to say: other than you, young graduate, only your parents and grandparents share your disappointment of a cancelled graduation. Your little brother, your Uncle Joe, even your college boyfriend (who I assure you is less serious about the relationship than you are) is glad the ceremony was cancelled. Three hours in sultry 92°F heat, seated shoulder-to-shoulder, thighs glued together with salty sweat in the 95% humidity. No thank you! The only thing worse would be to add a full-length polyester gown to the mix.
Where do we go from here? Only time will tell. Change is difficult at first, but gets easier as the years pass. It wasn’t until 1968 that cars were federally mandated to have seatbelts; state laws that they be worn began in 1984. Many drivers initially fought against such laws, but today seatbelts are a no-brainer. Maybe decades from now we’ll also look back and wonder what all the fuss had been about graduation ceremonies. Or maybe the Class of 2020 is just the unlucky group of graduates that got screwed over, and we’ll be back to normal next year. Like I said, only time will tell.
So, you still think you deserve a graduation ceremony? I skipped my undergrad graduation to party in Daytona Beach, so I may be a bit biased. There’s a lot to be said for a little consistency, though, especially when commencing a scary, uncertain next stage of your life. Change is tough. All we desire is normality. We seek that feeling of safety in the familiar. All you want is the graduation ceremony promised to you for so many years. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it . . . You’re Probably Right.
[003] July 29, 2020