So you think your child is the Devil incarnate? Maybe you’re right. But you should still love all your children unconditionally. If I asked you which of your kids was your favorite, would you actually be able to choose? If so—unless, of course, they’re an only child—perhaps it’s you who is the reincarnation of Satan.
While your kid will undoubtedly be a complete asshole from time to time, I aim to numerologically prove they are not part of the Satanic Trinity. And yes, I’m convinced you’d need to have three children. There’s the Holy Trinity, so it stands to reason there would also be a Satanic Trinity. This seems logical enough to me that it demands no further explanation, and I will accept no arguments on the matter.
You can ultimately rest assured your shithead kid isn’t Satan; but they might be a demon!
We’ve all heard of the Number of the Beast or the Devil’s Number: 666. Generally, this is pronounced “six-six-six.” But when you say a random 3-digit number like 411, you generally pronounce it as “four hundred eleven.” Likewise, 666 is more precisely stated as “six hundred sixty-six.” A time equivalent could be said as “6 hours 66.” That dangling 66 logically implies the next sequential decrease in time measurement: thus, 66 minutes. I pray this is easily understandable. It’s surely more unarguable than my Satanic Trinity decree you accepted less than a minute ago.
Now it’s time for a little bit of math—date manipulation, really.
Simply put, “6 hours 66 minutes” equates to 7:06 on a clock. Since there are only 60 minutes in an hour, 60 of those minutes get carried forward and added to the 6 hours. This gives us 7 hours with 6 minutes left over. Thus, 7:06. And since the only way to fight Lucifer is to call in the armed forces (you’re definitely in the right to disagree with this assumption), we’ll preemptively utilize military time. Therefore, 0706 (7:06 a.m.) is the Devil’s Minute. I, for one, am not an early riser; if my eyes are open to see a clock at 7:06 in the morning, it’s absolutely the Devil’s work!
That’s all well and good. But I can hear you asking, “What does any of this have to do with my offspring being the Devil incarnate?” Well, this 666 number manipulation can be taken to further extents. And to those extents we shall now delve to determine the birthdays of true Devil-horned children.
Venturing up the ladder from “6 hours 66 minutes,” we have “6 days 66 hours,” “6 weeks 66 days,” and “6 months 66 days.” Do note, we can’t use “6 months 66 weeks,” as that would be far greater than a year. This seems like a fantastic time to mention that all date manipulations herein will be calculated beginning from January 1st of the Gregorian calendar. Looky there, another perfectly agreeable assumption!
The way I see it, there are three logical combinations we can use to calculate the birthdays of the Satanic Trinity.
- 6 weeks 66 days
- 6 days 66 hours
- 6 hours 66 minutes
- Resulting Date: April 27th at 1:06 a.m.
- 6 months 66 days
- 6 days 66 hours
- 6 hours 66 minutes
- Resulting Date: September 13th at 1:06 a.m.
- 6 months 66 days
- 6 weeks 66 days
- 6 days 66 hours
- 6 hours 66 minutes
- Resulting Date: December 30th at 01:06 a.m.
Some of you may be asking, “Why stop at ‘6 hours 66 minutes’ when we can go a step further down the rabbit hole to ‘6 minutes 66 seconds’?” Touché. But alas you are no Benoit Blanc. A great detective would realize birth certificates venture only as far as listing the hour and minute of birth, not the exact second. (Too bad, though; Satan’s Second sounds a whole lot better than Devil’s Minute.)
April 27th. September 13th. December 30th. Using the Number of the Beast and employing numerological proof, we have arrived at these dates. The Devil’s Number has foretold which trifecta of siblings—in the past, present, or future—comprise the Satanic Trinity.
So you still think your children might be Satan? If they were born on April 27th, September 13th, and December 30th you might just be on to something. And if all three were born at 1:06 a.m.—or, I’d argue, the Devil’s Minute of 7:06 a.m.—then yes! They are most certainly the Devil incarnate. But I’m guessing you already knew that. Then again, all this is coming from a dude who has no kids and never wanted any. But even from my non-parental perspective, I can tell you all children manifest the Devil at some point in their lives. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it … You’re Probably Right.
[051] January 25, 2026