So you think eating the flesh of another human being is the last thing you would ever do? Maybe you’re right. But you just might change your mind if you were in a situation where rejecting the notion was, literally, the last thing you ever did.
If you’re reading this the day it’s posted, I hope you’re having a great Thanksgiving. My wife and I are going ultra simple with the Bob Evans “Serves 4 Farmhouse Feast.” If you’re reading it any other day of the year, here’s hoping you have food to eat. If you have the means to access the Internet, odds are you’re in a luxurious enough position to access sustenance as well. The nutritional quality of that food may vary widely, whether by choice or necessity. But at least you haven’t been forced to resort to cannibalism, amirite!?
Here’s what amazes me about nature—the fascinating truth about the area where biology and chemistry overlap. If you were to break everything down to its smallest components, you’d find that everything is made of quarks and electrons. Quarks combine to make protons and neutrons. These protons and neutrons combine to form the nucleus of atoms, surrounded by a cloud of electrons. Every atom in our body—Oxygen, Carbon, Nitrogen, Calcium, etc.—is some specific combination of protons, electrons and neutrons. In fact, every bit of normal matter in the Universe consists of these atoms. Combine enough of them together in the correct fashion and you get nucleic acids, compounds, proteins, etc., etc. Everything is made of the same basic building blocks.
The further fascinating thing is that so few combinations of these atoms make something that we humans call food. There really are only a small percentage of compounds that humans can eat, digest, and garner nutrients from. We can’t readily eat a rock, or your kitchen table, or a handful of dirt (despite what kiddos may make you believe).
Further down the fascination rabbit hole: humans can eat humans. We generally don’t, but we can. We’ve all read about those rare situations when resorting to human flesh as sustenance for human survival was all but mandated. The fact is, cannibalism is common in the animal kingdom. Even species that generally wouldn’t resort to eating their own kind, will when other caloric options are limited. Why waste perfectly good sustenance? It’s evident by an animal’s survival instinct that it’s preferential for a small number of the pack be killed, rather than all of them starve.
Members of the infamous Donner Party were forced to resort to cannibalism while stranded in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. However, they didn’t begin eating their fellow travelers until at least 13 of them had already succumbed to starvation.
Then there was the Uruguayan rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes in 1972. Some of these players—likely full of an abundance of muscle—died on impact. Yet, with nothing to eat, the starving survivors waited far too long to begin acquiring desperately needed calories from their less fortunate teammates.
Why did these groups wait so long before eating? Because cannibalism is taboo. There are currently starving people all over the world, yet we bury and burn countless tons of perfectly good meat every day because of these illicit cultural beliefs concerning cannibalism. And, obviously, due to a plethora of U.S. laws and regulations . . . right?
Wrong! There are no laws in the United States directly outlawing human cannibalism. There is, however, a law in Alaska making it illegal to be drunk while in a bar. I shit you not! With stupid laws like that one on the books, you can guarantee that if U.S. lawmakers felt cannibalism was worth making illegal, they’d have done it by now. After all, they’ve had plenty of time. Perhaps the most infamous case of cannibalism involved the Jamestown colonists. And that was all the way back in the early 1600s.
Since the late 1950s farmers have been implanting steroids into cattle to increase beef and milk production. So if we as a society decide to embrace cannibalism, it may be best to start with bodybuilders—or any member of the Russian Olympic team—since we’re already accustomed to foods heavy with hormones. On the other hand, rich folk who enjoy foie gras may find the obese to be a delicacy. But there’s no need to draw straws if you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of having to choose who among the survivors will be the first to make the ultimate sacrifice. For obvious reasons, eat a vegetarian. Trust me—they’ll let you know who they are.
And lest we forget those Moms out there that believe every goopy word that comes out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s mouth. Some of them may have eaten the placenta. Guess what? Cannibalism!
But if you really stop to think about it, all food is just quarks and electrons.
So, you still think gnawing on the meat of a fellow human is the last thing you’d ever do? Perhaps Thanksgiving Day wasn’t the optimal time to bring up this most macabre of all potential feasts. Your table is/was likely overflowing with traditional fare, and your fridge will maintain the leftovers for the next week. If so, count yourself among the lucky ones who need not stare across the table to picture your loved one as the only option for tonight’s meal. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it . . . You’re Probably Right.
[047] November 25, 2021