Boobs or Death (Why George R. R. Martin should not rush to finish his “A Song of Ice and Fire” series)

So you think George R. R. Martin needs to hurry his ass up and finish his A Song of Ice and Fire series? Maybe you’re right. But is it not better to be adored and anticipated, than to deliver disappointment or be dead?

Let’s start with a title explanation right off the bat. There was a soccer podcast I used to listen to years ago that made frequent reference to Game of Thrones. There was a lot of nudity in the earlier seasons—thus boobs. The death component is self-explanatory. Surely there had to be at least one episode of the 60 in which nobody died, but I can’t recall one. The two podcasters played a game of guessing which would be shown first. The game was dubbed Boobs or Death—far too on the nose for my liking.

The winner was usually obvious, but occasionally there’d be a bit of debate. Maybe a randy fella was struck with a mortal blow while enjoying the services one might while in a brothel. The man slumps to the floor as the first bare breast comes into the camera’s view. Was our hero dead on contact with the blade, or was the true moment of death not until after nipple and areola were in full view? Much like some of the matches those soccer podcasters reviewed, the game of Boobs or Death could end in a draw.

What didn’t end in a draw was the Game of Thrones series. The finale ultimately seemed a bit rushed in wrapping up the vast number of storylines. All this without the series of novels being finished. Can you name another TV program or movie that was based on a series of books where the visual rendition wrapped up before the written one? That’s not a rhetorical question; post other examples you know of in the Comments section. Of course anything comic book or superhero related is excluded. Those money trees need room to grow. Novelizations of movies don’t count either—those are another type of money grab intentionally written after the fact.

But George R. R. Martin certainly isn’t in it for the money. I saw an estimate of his net worth somewhere in the neighborhood of $65 million. The first 5 books of the series combined to sell more than 90 million copies. Throw in some crazy HBO money. Sprinkle in appearance fees for the plethora of conventions and other speaking engagements before COVID put an end to them more unexpectedly than Arya Stark ended The Night King. Martin isn’t hard-up for cash, so he’s not writing the books solely for financial reasons. Although I’ve said it before and it seems to hold true: the one thing rich people really want, is more of that sweet, sweet money. So it must still play some role.

George can’t readily end the epic series the same way as the TV series did, or fans of the books would be hugely disappointed. On the other side of the coin, fans of the HBO series that went back and began reading the books may experience some combination of disappointment and relief if he does change the ending. Either way, disappointment of the masses is the only sure outcome for Martin, who’s already publicly said that the culmination of the 7-book series will differ from HBO’s version.

Ultimately, he could finish the books and piss off at least half of his fans, or he could continue to say it’s a work-in-progress and maintain the vast majority of those fans for a much longer time. With the latter method, he doesn’t have to put in the grueling work of actually writing the things. Due to sheer annoyance, he’ll slowly lose some fans each year the books fail to materialize, but it’ll be a small trickle.

The question seems to be whether he should be in a rush to write the books at all.

I assume the R.R. in George’s name stands for Right. Really. Those being the only two answers he’s given to his agent for the decade since the most recent novel was released.

[Agent]: “Just to be clear George, you’re telling me you are actively working on the final two books, right?”

[Martin]: “Right.”

[Agent]: “Really?”

[Martin]: “Really.”

Now let’s think about his motivations. He already has $65 million reasons disincentivizing him to write. You don’t match all six Mega Millions numbers on Friday, then go back to work on Monday. You lose all financial incentive.

He’s also read and heard all the backlash about the ending to the HBO series. Now he knows that if he doesn’t live up to the expectations of his readers, they, too, will turn on him. But if he continues to put off the release of the books, he’ll prolong that potential wrath. As long as he continues to make intermittent announcements to his fans about his progress on the books—whether real, or as imaginary as the characters he creates—he will stoke the flames of their anticipation while maintaining relevancy. All this without having to do the hard work of actual writing. He’d be silly not to milk that for as long as he can.

George R. R. Martin is—in his own words—“. . . an out-of-shape guy of 71 . . .” If you look at a picture of him you’ll agree there’s not even a hint of fiction in that quote. In reality, it seems like a bit too much excitement may be a heart attack trigger in waiting. Imagine the effect it may have on his ticker when his adrenaline starts pumping after something as simple as penning a clever turn of phrase. Let’s not even consider the joy he’d experience at the close of that final chapter. Cardiac arrest for sure. Would you be willing to bear the responsibility of a legend’s death just so you can finally learn who ascends the Iron Throne?

So, you still think George R. R. Martin needs to reward his loyal readers with an ending to his epic book series? Understand that a single ambition should truly concern George, Right. Really, Martin must finish the epic adventure to cement his legacy. He can’t risk the series still being unfinished when he dies, like The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was upon the untimely passing of Douglas Adams. So, I guess, yeah, come to think of it . . . You’re Probably Right.

[032] February 17, 2021